Tony Awards Diary 2017

June 29, 2017

It’s rare that I write posts like this anymore. I’ve shifted focus towards other areas that offer more impact for our close tribe which leaves less time to sit down and let my thoughts flow.. something I used to treasure, a form of therapy that came to me through a desire to connect, to belong.

Uncharted. Have you ever heard that song by Sara Bareilles?

“Jump start my kaleidoscope heart

Love to watch the colors fade

They may not make sense

But they sure as hell made me

I won’t go as a passenger, no

Waiting for the road to be laid

Though I may be going down

I’m taking flame over burning out

Compare

Where you are to where you want to be

And you’ll get nowhere”

I’ve had this song on repeat for the last few months. I’ve always loved it but lately it’s struck a new chord, it carries more weight than it ever has. More weight and more comfort. Every moment of the last few years has been uncharted.

It’s scary to do something you’ve never done, right? Feel something you’ve never felt. Take the leap. Take responsibility. Take Initiative. Terrifying. Rewarding. Necessary.

It’s strange to step into spaces you’ve built but aren’t sure will hold you. Or feel the uncertainty. To feel in any moment, that you might not belong.

Interlaid in the uncharted have been moments that have completely taken my breath away. Moments I didn’t plan for. Moments that swept me up. Reward for the risk of sharing, connecting, and creating in uncharted territory.

One of those moments was this year’s Tony Awards with my best friend, Justin. We attended a beautiful viewing party by IBM and the Tony Award’s Gala at the Plaza.

More moments than I can count, I lost my breath. To be among my greatest inspirations and friends in one room celebrating what we love most; theatre, community, the charted and uncharted.

The evening was a kaleidoscope of the last three years, mirroring back to me little bits of the journey, people who inspired me, and moments that changed me, delivering a sense of belonging and being a part of something so special.

“Belonging is a river

not a goal.

Every point is holy–

but you cannot linger there

without losing yourself

for you are the motion

of your journey.

No idea,

no attainment,

no goal,

can encompass

the truth

which lives only as it dies

into new life.

Your are the pain–

let it go.

Your are the joy–

let it go.

You are actions taken and not taken–

let them go.

Your are the dream–

let it go.

Move with the mark

of the unknown upon you

and life will enter your blood like a river.

This world was always holy

and you were always a rising flame

upon its altar.”

The most treasured feeling is a deep sense of belonging. In a room, in a hug, in a conversation, in a project, in any moment we encounter… to know it’s meant for us. To touch it and then to leave it. To venture unknowingly into an experience that holds you up and moves you forward. What a gift.

Grateful for all this year gave me, especially this night. It’s one I’ll never forget.

Poem “Belonging” by Bernadette Miller

Bow of gratitude to Eden Espinosa who inspired the writing format of this post. Riffing inspiration from Sara Bareilles is good for the heart.

Grateful beyond words for you, Justin Ramos for always championing me and celebrating life and Broadway in a way that moves my heart. You are incredible.

Special thanks to IBM and The Tony Awards for a beautiful evening at The Skylark and The Plaza Hotel.